My dad is an incredibly hard worker. He grew up on a cotton farm, went to college, lived in his car part of one semester because he couldn't afford rent, sold Bibles in the ghetto, graduated, worked in Houston, then in Waco, then New York, and then started his own stock broking firm in Tyler 25 years ago. He is a self made man who is as selfless as they come. I've learned, and continue to learn, a lot from watching how he works, lives, listens, loves, and smiles through just about anything. There's one time in particular that's been on my mind a lot.
Growing up my dad always went to the office early, in high school he would drop me off at seminary (6:00am) and go to work. His office is in one of the biggest bank buildings in Tyler, which he bought sometime after moving in. To us the coolest part about him owning the bank building was that on Saturdays if he went up to the office we got to go with him. We would sit across the desk and draw or fill out pretend stock orders. It was so fun to go with him and see just a few other people there in jeans and t-shirts when it was usually filled with people in suits.
Walking in one Saturday someone said hi to us as they walked by, and we smiled and said hi back.
"You know, they think I'm the janitor." My dad said to me and smiled. I was shocked, why??
"I get here earlier than everyone else during the week, I come in on Saturdays sometimes, and I drive an old truck."
Then he shrugged and said, "I kinda like it."
He wasn't trying to teach me anything, but it was an amazing lesson. He loves what he does, takes care of his family, serves others, and doesn't care if people think that he owns the place or is the janitor. He doesn't waste time worrying about it or making an effort to put on any type of appearance whatsoever.
This has been on my mind as I've been catching up on blogs that I like to follow and keep noticing something. There are blogs that I love and can't wait to check, and then there are those that I only visit every once in a while because whenever I do I always end up feeling more and more inadequate/uncreative/out of shape with each scroll down the page. It just seems like a lot of people's blogs or facebook pages are a sort of monument to their own wonderfulness - their perfect lives/houses/bodies/talents/kids/husbands/businesses/etc. You know what I mean? I don't doubt that they are super talented, or amazingly creative, or look super hot but sometimes it feels like more and more people are consumed with portraying perfection at all times when that's just not reality. At least not my reality.
Yes, I like to write about things that I love like fun family trips, adventures of becoming a stay at home mom, new clothes, favorite images from sessions, or exciting finds from Anthropologie or J.Crew. But maybe I haven't been as willing to share the real life stuff in fear that I might seem less perfect than everyone else. In reality some days I don't change into real clothes until just before Jared gets home from work. Or I wear "nicer" jammies like yoga pants and a shirt that's mine (as opposed to Jared's) and call it good. I hate ironing and cooking, which means I'm fine with wrinkled clothes and Lean Cuisines. (Disclaimer: This is not a reflection of my mom who is an amazing cook and whose clothes are always perfectly pressed.) I struggled for a long time with postpartum depression, and still have hard days every now and then. I can't arrange frames on a wall without 14 people's opinion, and I can barely sew a pillowcase without wanting to set my sewing machine on fire.
I don't mean for this to sound like a pity party in the least. I love my life and recognize that I have more things to be grateful for than I can count. But real life is happy, sad, fun, hard, and everything in between.
The last thing I want is for someone to come to my blog and feel like my life is, in any way, better or more productive or more beautiful than theirs. Because it's not. We are the same. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that you have it WAY more together than I do. The important things, I have to remind myself, are to love what I do, take care of my family, and serve others. If I'm having an "I'm the janitor" kind of day I'm not going to go out of my way to make it look like I have it all together, because it's okay if people think you're the janitor. I still have to work on "kinda liking it", but hopefully this is a small step.
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