Before getting married I had checked some things off my list of things I wanted to do in my life like college, living abroad, and working, so it seemed like I should have been ready as soon as we got married to start working on the family part of the list. But I wasn't right away and that was okay, we didn't feel rushed and we had PLENTY on our plate to keep us busy. We waited for three years - to some people this seemed quick while others thought what took us so long. The important thing was that we made the decision together when both of us were ready and it felt right.
So we found out we were pregnant probably three weeks after we talked about it and we were SO excited, and surprised it happened so fast! Then a couple months in I started having this fear - I kept hearing that having a baby changes your life, but .......... I LIKED my life! I loved our life together, I loved working, I loved being creative and learning new things, I loved our life! So the thought of everything changing was scary to me - how would I know if I would like my new life as "just a mom".
This may not make sense to some people. I think some are blessed with the ability to love motherhood even before experiencing it, they can see themselves in that role and know they will feel happy and fulfilled. Most of the people I know are like that, but I was freaking out. I was afraid that defining myself as a mom would somehow make everything else I've ever done, or loved, or was good at just disappear. But the miracle is that not only did becoming a mom NOT obliterate everything I was before, but it gave everything I was, and am, and will be greater purpose and clarity. Marrying Jared is the only moment I can compare it to - I am so much more of my authentic self with him and, now, with Brody.
I am a mother, and I love it.
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