Friday, February 26, 2010

It's love.

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Before getting married I had checked some things off my list of things I wanted to do in my life like college, living abroad, and working, so it seemed like I should have been ready as soon as we got married to start working on the family part of the list. But I wasn't right away and that was okay, we didn't feel rushed and we had PLENTY on our plate to keep us busy. We waited for three years - to some people this seemed quick while others thought what took us so long. The important thing was that we made the decision together when both of us were ready and it felt right.

So we found out we were pregnant probably three weeks after we talked about it and we were SO excited, and surprised it happened so fast! Then a couple months in I started having this fear - I kept hearing that having a baby changes your life, but .......... I LIKED my life! I loved our life together, I loved working, I loved being creative and learning new things, I loved our life! So the thought of everything changing was scary to me - how would I know if I would like my new life as "just a mom".

This may not make sense to some people. I think some are blessed with the ability to love motherhood even before experiencing it, they can see themselves in that role and know they will feel happy and fulfilled. Most of the people I know are like that, but I was freaking out. I was afraid that defining myself as a mom would somehow make everything else I've ever done, or loved, or was good at just disappear. But the miracle is that not only did becoming a mom NOT obliterate everything I was before, but it gave everything I was, and am, and will be greater purpose and clarity. Marrying Jared is the only moment I can compare it to - I am so much more of my authentic self with him and, now, with Brody.

I am a mother, and I love it.

9 comments:

B'Sloan said...

Wow...that was beautiful. I agree with everything you said. Of course, I did things in a different order than you (lol), but being a wife and a mother has made a better person and I love it!! Have a great weekend!

Brittney

B'Sloan said...

Oh...by the way...I love your long hair and you look stunning! TTYL, MUAH!

Sierra & Ryan said...

Your little boy is so cute and he has such a gorgeous mother! These pictures are amazing and so touching. They definately belong in a frame, on the wall, or anywhere where everyong can see the special bond you have with Brody. I love it.

Sometimes I worry about the same thing. I feel so strongly that we need to start a family, but then sometimes I worry because things are so comfortable and smooth with just the two of us! It kind of scares me to add something that I can't even imagine how to do, "motherhood". But you are a great example and I hope I can be like you!

Sharstin said...

what a great post tyan. I remember feeling the exact same way as you did! we waited for about 3 years as well, and when we found out--I was nervous how our lives would change...and what it would be like to be at home...but then those babies come, and just bring so much joy--you can't even fathom life without them. The great thing I've realized is that you can be a mom, and do all the things you still love... they just enhance and make everything better!...being a mom is such an amazing blessing~

Lindsey said...

aw, this gives me hope.

I love your soul.

Lori said...

Beautiful pictures and touching words. You are an amazing Mom...I love being around you being a Mom...you are right it is your most "authentic" self...Love U!

Me said...

I read your most resent post and I was touched. I've been wondering about marriage and family for a while and reading this was wonderful and really touched my heart. Your family is beautiful and may God bless your life together

Jesson said...

Wow, that's very good
babies needs that all
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Jesson said...

The baby is so cute
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